Why does it have to be so hard?

Tonight was a typical night in the NICU for me, well minus one thing, it was my last shift. I had been counting down for a month to my last shift. I was so excited to get in there and get it over with. I walked in with a huge smile on my face ready to take what ever was thrown at me. Nothing was going to ruin my night. However as the night wore on my little brain started to realize a few things. First of all I love being a NICU nurse! It is so amazing to watch the little ones come in so sick and then they start to get better and grow, and then the night that I come in they have left to go home, is the best! It is such an amazing process!! I love to talk to the parents and teach them how to care for their little ones and encourage them, and be there for them when the times are rough. It is so amazing to me. I think that this has been the best experience for me. It has really shown me that God is there when when a person really needs Him most. But as to everything there is always a downside. There are the times that there are little ones that are to small or to sick to save. Or you assist in saving them only to give them a life of suffering. That is the hard part of the job. Well that is what I use to think.
Tonight a few of the nurses came in on an 8 hour shift so they came in later then the rest of us. And I that is when I realized it. The nurses that I worked with on the night shift are the most AMAZING people I have ever meant! When they came in they gave me hugs and told me they wished that I was not leaving and that I was actually needed there. At the same time they gave me a beautiful flower lei and a kukui nut lei that is beautiful as well. They placed the leis around my neck and said thank you for everything that I had done for them. But I am not really sure what I had done for them. To be honest I am still trying to figure it out. Then I walked in the breakroom and there was a beautiful cake that said "You will be missed Goodman" That is when it happened. I cried. It all hit me. I worked with the most wonderful people, and here I am leaving. It sucks. I love working with them. I didn't want to trade it for the world. I decided I never wanted my shift to end. But yet it had too. SO at the end of my shift I slowly walked down the blue hallway aone last time as an NICU nurse. And I cried the whole way. I never thought that it was going to be this hard to leave. So in the end tonight really sucked, I left the best friends and job a person could have.