It just doesn't get easier

Tonight is another night in the NICU. Yet I think that this one is harder then most. It is not because of the patient load, or the fact that there are nurses that I just can't stand, but I think that it is the fact that I yet again have to say goodbye to my fav nurses one more time. I thought that it would be easier this time, but it is not. I sit back and watch as everyone laughs and jokes and I remember how much I have missed this time with these wonderful people. I remember how much I love being an NICU nurse, and how much I have missed it since I have been pulled away from it. It is so easy to slide back in as if I was never gone. I look at the little ones that I am caring for and just smile. They are all a little touch of heaven that just cannot be ingnored. They need a little bit of extra help right now, and I am proud to be the one to help, but this job goes beyond that. It goes on being the extra set of hands to help Mom and Dad raise the beautiful child that they have created. There are friendships, mentorships, and just a wonderful feeling here. Well at least on the shift that I work and with the people that I work with. I love each and everyone of them. Last night we had a party for me as a going away sort of deal, and it was from just the night shift nurses. They wanted to say Thank you for what I had done for them I guess. Although I have not really done anything for them, it is they who have done for me. They are the ones that have taken the time to teach me and help me grow as a nurse. They have given me the chance to grow and become a better nurse. Something that not many others would do. Above all there is one particular nurse that I love to death whom would be the most unlikely canidate. She was the one nurse that I was told to stay away from because she would stab me in the back and not think twice about it. I have to admit that I was careful, but I soon discovered that everything that I was told was a lie. She is the sweetest and most wonderful person that I know. Last night she came to work with a lei for me and when she discovered that I was not working she almost left. Or at least that is what she said. Tonight she came in and saw me working and seemed to be much happier, and she told me she missed me and wished that I was not leaving and that I was going to stay on nights permantly. To be honest I do too. It doesn't matter how busy this place is there always seems to be a way to have fun on the night shift, and everyone tries to make it that way. I thought that it was hard the first time that I said goodbye to the night shift....I remember the long walk down the hallway that was full of tears......in just a few short hours I fear that it is going to be the same way. I do not want to say goodbye again. I do not want to give up my job as an NICU nurse, and above all I really do not want to leave the wonderful people that I work with. Everytime that I finally think that I am not going to have to say goodbye again, well I end up having too. It is such a strain on my heart and my soul. I knew that coming in to work tonight was not going to be easy, but I did not think that it was going to be this hard. It just does not get any easier to say goodbye to those that are dear to you.........it doesn't matter how many times you have to do it. It just never gets any easier...........